Thursday, October 20, 2011

And so it begins

And so it begins…. I am finally doing something that I have thought about and wanted to do for years. I love to write, and blogging seems like a great step towards making it a bigger part of my life….

As I continue to adjust to Life with a toddler, a husband, a job, and a home, I think sometimes about what I pictured for myself, back when I was young (say 18). I wish that someone had made me write myself a letter, and tell myself who I thought I would be, what I wanted to have in my life and WHY I wanted those things…. I am going to make Max do it… I read old diary entries sometimes, but I tend to journal when things are BAD. So, reading back over those entries does not in anyway provide a balanced picture of my thoughts…. Pretty much just brutal angst.

I still have some really off moments where I step outside myself and think, “Holy Hell, I am a freaking Grown Up…” How did that happen? I was dropping off a load of stuff at Cradles to Crayons, a great local nonprofit, and as I swung myself up into Bill’s Xterra, I was like, OMG! I am like a soccer mom or something. I am bringing donations from a community yard sale that I ran to a place that gives them to poor people. Poor people who are not ME.

I have a really hard time stopping to look at my Life, long enough to really appreciate it. I am still amazed that there is a little boy who calls me Mama and a man who refers to me as his wife. And that the two of them are as awesome as they are just seems like overkill.

But, I do sometimes slow down, and sometimes things are thrown in front of me that force me to just stop, and by writing about them, perhaps I can help us all understand a little bit more….

And along the way, the simple things: the amazing Xlarge storage bags that are like ziplocks with handles I got at the dollar store, the fact that I cannot seem to persuade myself that cooking is not a waste of time, and living every day in a world that I work very hard to see as mostly good…

If you laugh, I am glad... Don’t even care if you laugh at me instead of with me….  Because it is all a little funny, somewhere and somehow….

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